At those times when we are running cold, feeling defeated, inadequate, and passive, our sexual response reflects this life-style. We all run hot and cold at different times, and when we are cold, we

xperience a “learned helplessness,” a feeling that there is little hope, that the world does not live up to our expectations and that our efforts to do much about it are ineffective.

The neuroendocrine system reflects this life orientation and influences sexual response. Here is a list of the cold sexual problems, and remember, the person is not cold, but his or her life-style at this particular time is.

MALE

Diminished pre-ejaculatory fluid

Abbreviated orgasmic contractions

Absence of orgasmic contractions

Diminished F- and/or R-area sensitivity

Prolonged contemplation

Decreased arousal

Absence of psychasms

Diminished sexual interest

Lengthening of refractory period

FEMALE

Diminished lubrication

Abbreviated orgasmic contractions

Absence of orgasmic contractions

Diminished G- and/or C-area sensitivity

Prolonged contemplation

Decreased arousal

Absence of psychasms

Diminished sexual interest

Lengthening of refractory period

Talk with your spouse about the problems you are having or might like to avoid. Remember that you are trying to provide a working diagnosis, not a verdict. Talk as much about how you are living as how you are loving, for they are really one and the same.

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Couples in the clinic were asked to become reacquainted with each other, to meet as if they were meeting for the first time. Using the Marital Intimacy Quotient, as a guide, try the following activity.

Meet as a whole family, kids included. An attention span of ten minutes is all that is required. Sit down once every other day for a week for eleven periods and discuss each of the eleven items. The entire family should know that Mom and Dad are beginning a program for strengthening their marriage and that everyone’s help is required, that everyone is an important part of the marital system.

The meetings are an excellent first step on the way to super marital sex and toward meaningful sex education for you children. Tape-record these brief sessions and listen to them at the end of this book. You may want to rescore yourself then, and you may be surprised to see the changes.

The couple you met at the beginning of this chapter was one of the thousand couples who went through the entire super marital sex program in my clinic. I met them again recently, and you will meet them again at the end of this book. I was visiting a patient on the cardiology unit and saw them standing hand in hand outside one of the hospital rooms.

“How have you been?” I asked.

“We’ve been just fine,” answered the husband. “We were visiting my uncle downstairs. We came up here to look at the sp0 where we got our second chance.”

I hope you won’t wait until the type of crisis this couple experienced before you take a second chance to pay attention to óîur marriage and begin to enhance the intimacy of your own relation ship.

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